CAPTIVITY

 This is me on the left. This picture was taken on a night I will never forget. This was in 2019. A girls night out! Woohoo!! But I wasn't actually having fun. (Driving home in the pouring rain after seeing a bar full of overly drunk people singing Karaoke wasn't at all fun!) In reality, I was miserable. I was 231 lbs. The heaviest I have ever been. You see, I have been riding this weight loss and weight gain roller coaster for many years and have went from the guilt of knowing that I am in a bad state of mind to the periods of euphoria when I lost a considerable amount of weight. 

 In speaking with some friends after last night's WW Meeting, we discussed how it all comes down to the mental state of a person at any given time. Why is it that sometimes we don't we realize that we are reverting to old habits? Or do we realize and choose to ignore? Why do old habits seem ok (to begin with) until they have you miserable or unhappy with yourself? Why do we sometimes need to hit bottom and say enough is enough? I know how much better I feel when I am under 170 lbs. I know how bad it feels to be over 230 lbs. So why do I let myself give in to emotions and binge eat? I enjoy the feeling of movement. I enjoy dancing, walking and other exercise. So why do I stop? 

 It's like Paul in the Bible. Paul seems to describe a lack of ability to do anything good (Romans 7:15, 19, 24), and refers to being captive and enslaved to sin (Romans 7:14, 23). Paul says that although he wants to do what is right, he ends up doing what is wrong. 

 We want to eat right and take care of our bodies but sometimes we just go at it the wrong way. Eating nutritious food is good, but if you you obsess about it to a degree that can damage your overall well-being, then it is not good. Exercising is good but if we strain our bodies or burn out on too much exercise we are hurting more than helping. We can be in different types of captivity. 

 So what to do?  You give yourself GRACE. You tell yourself that first steps take time to become bigger steps. Bigger steps take time to become your new normal steps. You FORGIVE yourself for the past mistakes because that is what Grace is about. That's what God does for us so why can't we do it for ourselves? Of course we are going to fall short sometimes, in life and how we treat our bodies. We may have lazy days, days that we binge or days that we are hateful or unmotivated. It happens. So what? Move on! Just don't let it become a cycle and hold you captive. 

 

Free Indeed

  

      2020 has been a year of hardship for many people. Covid, job losses, mandates, politics. People fighting and bickering on social media. Families falling apart instead of coming together. Churches closing doors and people afraid to hug or talk to each other. It has been CRAZY. But in all this I have trusted God and not believed much of the hype from news media. 

  Why?? Because my Faith is strong and although people lie, my God NEVER lies. I took the lies that Satan has been telling me for years and threw them back in his face. I am not a failure. I am a precious child of God. I am worthy because he who is in me is worthy.

  So that means I am  better off than I was years ago even in all this mess. I have been blessed. Yes, BLESSED. And you can be too! The heaviness that you feel can be lifted. Just trust in God and read his word. Cast your cares upon him. He loves you! When the Lord sets you free, you are FREE INDEED!

   If you need a prayer guide. Here is the best one ever. The Lord's Prayer.

               The Lord's Prayer

The Lord’s Prayer is actually quite short. This is how Jesus tells us to pray: with fewer words and more intimacy. We speak less so God can speak more. If we are the only ones talking when we pray, how then can we hear from God?

When Jesus said, ‘this then is how you should pray,’ he was telling his disciples to use it as a guide.

‘Our Father Who art in Heaven’  - Address God, Say his name, Call on him .

‘Hallowed be your name’  - Praise God, tell him what he means to you.

 ‘Thy Kingdom come’  - Surrender your hearts to the work of His Kingdom.

‘Thy Will be done On Earth as it is in Heaven’  - Pray for your hearts to seek his will, to accept it.

 ‘Give us this day our daily bread’  - Pray about your most practical needs, physical and spiritual.

‘Forgive us our sins’  - Name the ways in which you have sinned.

 ‘As we forgive others’  - Talk to God about the situation of your heart toward other people.

‘Lead us not into temptation’  - Ask God to lead you away from situations where you are tempted.

‘Deliver us from Evil’  - Pray for protection from all that is evil whether it be spirits or attitudes or political powers.

‘For Thine is the Kingdom’ acknowledge that everything is his, that he is in control

‘The power and the glory’ Pray that everything would be filled with this divine glory.

‘Forever’ Declare your Faith in His Eternal Power

‘Amen’ You are saying “So Be It” or “This is True”  

 

Two tens make twenty!

     Wow! This is how much fat I have lost in 10 weeks! I feel so much better already. My first goal was to lose ten pounds. Then twenty. And now my next goal is twenty five. I set the next goal for only five more pounds because after the first twenty most people lose weight at a slower pace. I am not on a particular diet plan now, but I am making healthier choices in food and portions. Plus I am more active. Even when I don't feel like walking or exercising, I try to suck it up and just do it! One of my favorite things to do now is hula hooping! A few years ago, I would never have imagined I would be hula hooping at 52 yrs old. I felt older a year ago than I do now.

    In the picture below you will see the new addition to our family. We welcomed our granddaughter Kinsley in to the world on May 17th. She is so precious!!! I also have two grandsons which are Kinsley's older brothers. Kole is 13 and Kaiden is 9. My grandbabies mean the world to me. That should be enough reason to stay healthy. They need Nana to stay around as long as possible to spoil them or sometimes set them straight when they wont listen to Mama or Daddy. But hey, that's how the cycle goes. Same thing happened with my kids and their grandparents. I just hope that I can help guide my kids and grandkids in a way that pleases God. My prayer is for them to become better people, better Christians. My mama and my Grandma Gladys helped guide me and that guidance made me who I am today. Not perfect, but a child of God who thanks Him with every fiber of my being for His Blessings in my life! 

   

Wellness Goes Hand In Hand With Weight Watching!

  Here I am again and it's still me and God but I am not currently enrolled in Weight Watchers. It is 2019 and I am coming up on my 53rd birthday. My body has been through a lot since my last post but I have managed to get answers to many of the problems that have been wearing me down. Two major diagnoses.. fibromyalgia and diverticulitis. Besides the fact that I have battled low thyroid for 25 yrs. I had major ankle reconstruction and a hysterectomy last year. And went through another bout of depression.
  BUT....I am not in that unhappy funk anymore! I changed Doctors and got back in church. Two of the best decisions I've made in a while. And thanks to my best friend Michelle, I am eating healthy and moving my body more. My dear husband has helped the process by putting a workout room in our basement. And my son James has encouraged me to walk at the local park with him several mornings in the past two weeks. We walk about a mile and a half and my little dog Daisy joins us.
   I had been told that staying active is the best thing for fibro but in the past I tended to overdo it and spend days afterwards hurting and just feeling drained. But now with God's help and the help of family and friends I am doing so much better. I had gained up to 231 lbs a couple of months ago. I am down to 212. I know that is a number that I don't need to dwell on, but it is a number that is too high to be healthy.
   I thank God that I am losing weight but mostly for what He is doing in my life. I have started participating in Revelation Wellness with my cousin Dena as the instructor. She is a blessing and a great encouragement for myself and others to be a better Christian, a better caretaker of our bodies and a better person as a whole.
    I know that God is working on me and leading me to a place where I can also be an inspiration to others. Hopefully this blog is a help and a Blessing to you, my readers. God Bless you and guide you in all your endeavors.

Seeking Inspiration and Encouragement Once Again

      It is now 2016 and three weeks ago I joined Weight Watchers once again.... for the 4th time. In three weeks I have only managed to lose 3.6 lbs. but that is a start. I am approaching my 50th birthday at 217 lbs with so many health problems that it is crazy. I was told by a Dr that I may have fibromyalgia. My right ankle has an old injury (torn ligaments and cartilage with nerve damage). I have carpal tunnel syndrome in both hands and had the surgery on my right hand just yesterday. I have sleep apnea with sleep paralysis, high BP and many other issues.
     My last post should have been the start of a new me, but sadly to say, I have somehow lost the me that had willpower and determination! This me has depression and anxiety, fatigue and joint problems. I know that my mentality can affect my  health, so I am here once again trying to blog my feelings in an effort to motivate myself and hopefully motivate others to STOP GIVING UP!!
    I know that God has control of all things but he also expects us to do our part. Mentally, physically, financially and spiritually! May this be the start of a better me once again....God I pray for strength and determination once again in the name of your son, JESUS.
    I am hoping to be able to do what is right for me but to be honest, I am not sure that Weight Watchers is the way to go. My meeting was in a different town and the atmosphere was not as encouraging as the meeting I attended in North Wilkesboro.

Rededication To God and My Health

                                   


 When I posted my last blog, I weighed 169 lbs and felt great. But I was having some depression because I was so close to my goal and had stopped dropping pounds. Instead of digging in and getting past feeling sorry for myself, I have up. I now look back at my journey and feel so ashamed at what I have become since then. It is almost three years later and I weighed three days ago, only to find out that I weigh 208 lbs. I am on more blood pressure pills than ever before, not to mention my other medicines for low thyroid, low serotonin, muscle tension, acid reflux, inflammation and depression. A pure mess!!!!
 I have been lacking also in my spiritual walk with God. I know that all things are possible with God, but I let myself become angry with God when my uncle Beamer died in August three years ago. I ate out of depression and started a downhill ride that stopped last Sunday! My heart was overjoyed when 13 people accepted Christ at my church. The drawing of the Holy spirit had my heart pounding and I rededicated my heart to Jesus Christ (along with many others in my church). We also had ten baptized!!!

 Needless to say, I have been eating better since I stepped off the scales. My husband and myself have been using the Weight Watchers Points system for the last three days. I know that I have a long way to go and I realize that I am a weak person without God's help. Fact is.....I have an addiction to food. But, thank God, I feel a renewed dedication and I ask for all your prayers and support.

Losing Weight At A Snail's Pace

   Lately, I have gotten pretty doggone lazy. I haven't quit exercising altogether. I still do water aerobics, but only on Mondays. And my walking? Well, I guess I've really wimped out on my walking/jogging lately (I call it wogging). I know..I know... I just talked about wanting to jog in my last post and I still believe that God showed me to keep trying if I wanted His help. Truth is...I have no excuse for why I have gotten lazy. I can blame it on lack of time, but I am sitting here typing (of course it is storming right now) instead of exercising.
   I could say it's because I have been working out in the heat for the last two weeks, but if I tried harder I could wake up early and go for a morning jog. I have a membership at the YMCA that is a 10 minute drive from my house, but once I sit down (especially after supper) I am down for the count. Don't get me wrong. I am still losing and have actually gotten down to 169.6 from my starting weight of 207.4. But if I don't get moving, I will stall out. It's funny how you know what to do sometimes but don't do it.
     I still track all my food, write my Scripture and write down my nightly prayer journal. Now I just need to get moving!!!!!!  Any advise or tips from my friends and supporters would be very helpful. (Oh, yeah, I did do a little dancing up in Virginia this past weekend. If I flatfooted like that every day I would surely get my metabolism going, but the joints won't allow such pounding before they would start to scream. )
  So this is where I am in this journey. Not where I was, but not quite there yet.

                                                                  
                                                        

My Message From God; "I Can't Help You If You Don't Try."

   After walking a 5k in May, I am determined to do it again and next time I will jog or run. The problem is, my calves are sooo tight before  the race. By the end, I was grimacing. I had shin splints (tightening of the shins) after going from the pavement to the dirt path. Over 45 minutes later at the finish line I was second to last, in front of a lady who was in her sixties and had knee surgery the year before. Most of the race, I was ahead of her and a pregnant lady (who was pushing a child in a stroller). Then of all things, the pregnant lady passed me right before the finish line.
      But I kept my chin up and accepted congratulations for finishing the race. I tried jogging around the neighborhood last week and it was like I just could not get my legs to lift up and step forward when I started trying to pick up speed. I even dreamed that I was trying to run and my legs would not go. I have really been stressing about it until this for a few weeks now. I have been planning on going out every morning for a jog or at least a walk to start up my metabolism. This past Monday morning, while still in bed, I told my husband I would put off my morning walk.
 I laid there for a few minutes and then I started feeling guilty. It was then that these words just popped in my head...... "I can't help you if you don't try."  I knew that this was a message straight from God. So I got my butt up, got ready and went out the door. When I came back in Monday, I told my 16 yr old son that I had hardly gotten going when that awful feeling had come back. He, being a runner (although in hiatus because of a recent hip surgery) showed me some calf stretches and helped me to hold them enough to do some good. I have taken his advise and went out the last two mornings for a short wog, walk/jog in my neighborhood. And I can tell that God is doing what I asked.
  My legs are loosening up and I know that I will be able to make record time (for me) the next time I try that 5k trail again. Praise be to God for the changes in my life both physically and spiritually. He is working on me and He can do the same for you too. Nothing is too small or too big for My God!!!

Tip # 1....Try the Blue Plate Special! You'll eat less!

Last week I read in a magazine that eating out of blue dinnerware can trick your mind into not wanting seconds. Well, being in the painting business, I know first hand that colors do affect your mood. So, I gave it a try and found two light blue plates in my cabinet and some matching bowls.The result....... I think it really works!!! The theory is that blue is such a calming color that it satisfies you more when you eat food in a blue plate. Never eat from red or in a room with lots of red. Red makes you hungry. Now you know why alot of restaurants paint their walls red. Especially Italian. Sooooo, start pulling out the blue or buy you a calming blue table setting. Maybe it's all in the mind, but if it works, I don't care how. Just that it does!!

How do looking at these plates make you feel????????? 





It's Fun To Stay At The YMCA!!!!!!

                       

 And go camping and fishing and swimming and.......... well you get my drift. I have been sooo busy. For Mother's day I got a YMCA membership (for the whole family) and I love it!!! Water aerobics are awesome and the Fitlinxx training system set up there helps me stay motivated and allows me to get personal advise from wellness coaches. And now the drumroll.......... I have lost 35.2 lbs!!!!  Adding activities is very motivating, but....... for the last few weeks I have had a little trouble with craving carbs afterwards. Solution??? Recommitt and ask God to renew my mind. This past week I had a 2.6 lb. weight loss after gaining .6 last week. God is soooo good.

                             

20 lbs Is A Charm

  I am excited because I am nearly at my 10% goal since starting Weight Watchers in February! I need 8 tenths of a pound to get a key ring and start collecting my charms. I wish I could count those 7 lbs I lost before starting the meetings, but I know that it is gone and that is enough reward. I plan on Walking/running a 5k (which is 3.1 miles) by May 22 for the W.W. 5k challenge. I will get my first charm for that. I am very excited and feel like a different person already! Thank you God for helping me to believe in myself!
  I am eating healthy meals and encouraging my family to do the same. I have looked up super foods and started eating spinach instead of regular lettuce. My portions have gotten smaller and my energy is increasing. I love it when I can set a goal and actually achieve it!!

Not Mine, But Thine Lord

   After trying to succeed on my own, I have realized that I can only control what is within my power to control. The question is..... Do I have power over my eating, my daily walk, my talk, my every move, my every temptation, my every thought? Nope. No one has! Not as long as they are in this body. Realization is... I sin. I take things for granted. I expect to solve things on my own and then go to God when I can't handle it myself. Sound familiar? If so, then you are admitting that you are human too.

   So what I did next has been a revelation to myself and others. I talked to God and said, "Lord, I turn this over to you. Free me from this cycle of eating too much". Then I got out a notebook and dated Wednesday, March 16 and I wrote everything I had eaten that day. EVERYTHING. I left nothing out and didn't fudge at all on the amounts of foods that I had consumed. My total was 48 points. That was 19 points over my daily points allowance. I wrote my weight down too. It was then down to 194.4.

    I wrote that exact prayer on the bottom of that page and It was like God said, "Go to My Word and I will guide you". I opened up my Bible to the 17th chapter of Matthew. At the top of the next page in my notebook, I wrote this verse...If you have faith as a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, move from here to there and it will be moved and nothing will be impossible for you.

   My mountain is being moved! This mountain of belly fat has made me have digestion problems, made my blood pressure extremely high, made my legs hurt, my energy low, my joints achy. I could go on and on. I know that to some people this doesn't seem like a case of severe obesity, but even 10 extra pounds can make a difference when it comes to your health. An extra 50  lbs has been taking a toll on my body and my self esteem for many years.

   God has helped me to start writing down scripture and recording my prayer journal along with my food journal. I haven't missed a day of being honest, being prayerful and thanking God for what he is doing within my body. This body is not mine. It is a vessel that I am borrowing while here on earth. But, God expects me to take care of it so it can be used for His glory. So I try to remember every day; "Not Mine, But Thine Lord. Not Mine, But Thine."

                                               

                                          Here I am today!!!!    April 7th at 184 lbs.!!!!!!

                                                                             

 

Little Debbie is NOT my friend!

                                                                            
  I have had a rough week and weighing in after a bad week is dreadful! Headaches and not journaling all week can cause someone to be tempted to skip a meeting. But I sucked it up and went on my merry way to WW. When I stepped on the scale, I closed my eyes and waited for the bad news.
   It is a very intense moment when you weigh in, because you cannot see your numbers anyway. The lady looks at her little screen and starts writing in your booklet. You have to kinda peer over at it or wait for her to hand it to you. Of course if you lose any, she says "congratulations", but I had went ahead and let her and those around me know that I was expecting a gain. She says "Not too bad, only a two tenths gain. Try stepping off the scale and blowing out all your air and let me weigh you again". I thought she was joking. Then she says "Go ahead, it works sometimes". I stepped back (feeling rather stupid), blew out all my air, stepped back on the scale and guess what??? It didn't work.
   Well I just thanked God for such a low gain. I made sure to tell the class to always count before eating when you are sick, because I had ate four Little Debbie Oatmeal Cakes the day before this meeting (not all at one time). I had been sick with a terrible headache and a gigantic appetite for carbs. When I counted the points I had eaten twenty points in Little Debbie cakes alone!!! My daily limit is twenty nine. We all concluded that day that Little Debbie is not our friend.

No More Monkeying Around

                                                        No More Monkeying Around!

     Wow! I had a good week on my 3rd. weigh in. I lost 3.8 lbs. for a total of 13lbs. down. Actually I need to say "shed" or "got rid of" those pounds, because when you lose something it sounds like you need to find it. So anyway, I had a good week. I decided to start attending the Saturday morning meetings because I was planning to attend a water exercise class on Monday nights. But, during this Saturday meeting they were talking about using the 48 bonus points each week. I had not been using mine, but I had not measured exactly and had guessed on some points values.
   I had not journaled but three days this week either. One lady said she used her bonus points after her weigh in as a reward. I had not had a "reward" in a month. I left that meeting thinking "What is my favorite thing to eat?" A reward should be heavenly, right?
   So my choice was a pecan log roll. A small one, of course. So I left the meeting and stopped at two convenience stores only to find that nobody had any. A peanut butter delight wouldn't do. It had to be a pecan log roll!!! So I thought about the CVS close by and guess what?  No luck there either. Well, wouldnt'you know that my 14 yr. old son was calling my cell, wondering where I was.
    I had to get home but I was like a shark on the hunt for blood. So I stopped at one more gas station and grabbed a Reeces cup. Before I got home I stopped at another store to throw away the wrapper. I felt really guilty and hid the evidence of my error from my family. I didn't write down my foods for the next week either. What a slump. Something had to give and I needed to stop this monkey business. But how????

  I can't believe I let myself get to the size I was in this picture. I had so much heartburn, so many aches and pains. But that was then and this is now. So lets get back to my weight loss journey.
    I was at my second WW meeting and I saw that I had lost only 2.2 lbs. I thought I would lose more than that in water weight. But slow and steady is suppose to be the way to go and I accepted that. I listened to the stories and was encouraged to do well the next week. I left the meeting and went to the local bowling alley where my husband is in a league. As soon as I walked in, the food smell hit my nose. They just had to put the snack bar right beside the front door. I could smell french fries and burgers.
   Temptation was setting in. As I turned the corner, lo was behold, there was a display of candy bars. I spotted the Reeces Cups but turned away real quick like. It was hard to endure. I went and got a cup of sweet tea just to get a bit of sugar and made it through the night.
 The next day I realized I didn't count that tea nor had I been counting any of the sweet tea I had drank all week. Honesty was yet to be acquired when it came to my food log and it would show eventually. Oh well, another week to do better!!!

Good Intentions

   My first Weight Watchers weigh in was on Valentines Day at a Monday night meeting. I had already lost 7 lbs.on my own. I was excited, but saddened by the fact that I could not count those pounds while others in the class were celebrating and getting stars for losing 5 lbs. As I looked around the nearly filled room, I saw a very good friend from my church there. I never would have thought she needed Weight Watchers. She waved for me to sit beside her and then whispered that she was a lifetime member who had lost over 40 lbs.
    This immediately gave me encouragement to do this thing. But, finding out that all my old WW books were obsolete (because it was now "Points Plus") was a dissapointment. I wasn't about to pay that much money again for the new calculater, recipe books, points guide etc. So I figured I would sign into WW online and get help.
  Online I found what I needed to "get by" until I could afford to at least get the calculator.  Oh, how I missed the the old slide scale used to calculate points. This was going to be difficult. At least the way I was going about it all was a good effort and the next weigh in would tell.

How The Struggle Began

    I was always a skinny thing who could eat you out of house and home for the first 23 years of my life. Even after having two children I was thin. (I had a preemie daughter at age 18 and then a stillborn baby girl at age 20.)  I was a lean, tanned size 7.  Then I met the man who would be my love, my life and my forever companion. He still is today. But the first year was financially hard and we lived on love, beans, taters, biscuits and gravy. After the first year of marraige I had went from the 120's to the 160's , but hey, he had gained about the same. No dancing on weekends can really make a difference. But we were married and in love and I finally had a butt. But when I got to the 170's and didn't lose it after 3 more years, I knew I needed to do something. So I started walking and cutting out fat.
      I walked and walked and dieted and really did good. My goal was the 130's. But when I got down to 140 I started getting sick. I thought I had overdone it but in actuality it was God blessing us with our own child. He was two weeks late and I was miserable. I walked in to have him weighing 207. That's a 67lb. weight gain. I stayed swollen after bringing him home and had terrible headaches. Found out it was high blood pressure. Then I found out that  my thyroid had completely stopped working. But I managed to lose down to 180. Two years later, I walked in the hospital at 211 to have my second baby boy.
       That was 14 years ago and I have been on yoyo diets, lost and gained, lost and gained the same 20 pounds over and over again. This past January I was  up to 207 pounds and I couldn't blame it on pregnancy this time. It was pure FAT.  I had indigestion and depression about my big ol' belly. Kowing that I am not getting any younger, I started eating better, lost 7 lbs. on my own before joining Weight Watchers on Valentine's Day, 2011 for the  THIRD time. But this time I committed my struggle with weight to God and I know that HE is my strength!!!!
       You see, I was leaving God at home when I joined the other times. This time I have created my own Food journal that includes Scripture, A Daily Food Diary and a Prayer Journal. I will continue to blog and share my journey until I reach my goal. I hope you will join me. As I write this, I am proud to say that I now weigh 186.6. Thank God!!! I will get there. 150 here I come!!!